EMOTIONAL SECURITY – TOUCHING

Rom-Coms – for women
Soppy Soapies – for women
Romance Novels – for women
Tear-jerker movies – for women
This is an accepted view: that all listed above are mainly for women.
Why?
Because women, or rather most women, are viewed as being more emotional than men. It’s said that women cry easily ...
I experienced my first tear-jerker movie at age eleven whilst on a school holiday sleep-over at my cousin’s home ‘in dem good ole days’ when mothers were mainly housewives/stay at home moms.
On this sleep-over day my auntie woke us as soon as my uncle had left for work at six am. She manoeuvred us through the “shaping up of the joint” in record time. Food cooked, washing on the line, house spic and span, table set up, all ready and waiting for the man of the house to return from work. Then the rush to clean ourselves up for the ten o'clock show at the local movie house. Auntie found her seat, but we had to sit on the steps in the side isle next to her row. As the movie unfolded auntie began to cry. At eleven years old we weren’t too sure and not very interested in the story-line, but we ended up crying because auntie was crying. Two eleven-year-old girls sitting on the isle steps in the movie house giggling and crying.
Auntie’s need to share her emotions engendered by the movie resulted in her talking through her observations with us for the rest of the day. ‘Did you see how he held her?’ a string of ‘did you see’ observations followed to which we little girls just agreed. It took many years later for me to examine my auntie’s observations and to realise that each of her observations of that movie we watched were to do with TOUCH. How the leading man held the leading lady’s hand, how he pulled her onto his lap, how he threw his arms over her shoulders to draw her closer to him, how he lifted her, how he smoothed her hair, how he cupped her face and so on… my auntie was subconsciously revealing a need within herself that was crying out to be met and the fantasy of the movie kept this hope in her alive that perhaps one day her husband would be able to share the same with her:
TOUCH. TOUCH. TOUCH.
TOUCHING IS A TWO-WAY STREET and most definitely not a competition to see who goes first. The more you touch is the more you want to touch. And the thing about touching is that it makes you feel so good 😊. Think of that little boy’s beaming smile when his dad ruffles his hair.

Read this case in study of my own observations:
An extended family member’s son, - known for his anger and sometimes violence – who has his own illegitimate son, a divorce behind him and a second child - was in a live-in relationship with his third woman. This third woman was a divorcee with three school going children of her own and was totally persona non-gratia within that family circle. But did he love her – boy oh boy - did he love her! His family couldn’t understand why he loved this woman above all others. It took a visit to a function at his house for me to understand why this was so.
She was the most tactile person I had ever met within an open gathering of friends and family. She touched him at every opportunity she had. At the braai she would come up and hug him from behind and whisper something in his ear that he would make him smile, she would ensure that he had a drink at hand, she would check with him before giving instructions to his and her children about any task to be done and just – hostess as she was - kept him in the loop of all that was going on around the gathering that one could only smile at how he beamed with love at her. Whenever she could, she would pinch his behind or smooth her hand over his nape as she passed. She had truly unlocked his desperate, deep-seated inner need for acknowledgement of ‘me’ … not his status, not his looks, not his wealth … just him:
ACCEPTANCE OF “ME” (refer my earlier Blog on Relationships)
Oh yes, the bitchy comments were heard alright; ‘She’s hard up for a man so she sucks up,’ and other comments even worse than that that at the end of the visit, to clear my own mind, I had to go up to the young man and tell him how I really liked that he looked very settled and happy in his new choice. His reply made me feel sorry for all those ladies with the bitchy comments. They were negating, not only a Biblical lesson, but a lesson crucial to loving and being loved in return: GIVE AND YOU WILL RECEIVE.
By constantly touching him whenever she could she opened up a storehouse of love within him that overflowed and drowned out the anger and aggression he was known for and met a dual purpose in the relationship; she was giving and he learnt to give in return. The relationship was not being played out in a boxing ring where the fight was not even for equal rights but to see who comes out on top: I will give as much as you give and no more. The relationship was a circle of giving – not a competition.
TOUCHING KEEPS THE CONNECTION
IT INDICATES THAT YOU’RE MINE.
AND DON’T WE ALL JUST WANT TO BELONG TO SOMEONE WHO ALSO WANTS TO BELONG TO ME.
I remember once reading in a church leaflet covering the topic of marriage that we are all capable of achieving our own “AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER” if you have someone next to you who wants to be there.

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